Some people seem to post a lot of intelligent thoughts on their blogs. I guess I'm not one of those people, never have been, never likely to be. My blog tends to be me rambling on about stuff that doesn't really matter. If you hadn't noticed. I have been feeling a bit sad lately, for various reasons, nothing in particular, just kind of down. Haven't played the bass guitar for ages, I kind of wish I had fun people to play with - sometimes I really miss my the church my brother goes to, they were brilliant. I suppose with an instrument like the bass guitar there's a limit to how many bass guitarists you need. And if I'm not amazing, why should I be the person who gets to play? I only started because there wasn't anyone else playing it. I taught myself, though I had had a few classical guitar lessons (kind of similar in many ways). So... I dunno. Haven't even played the ukulele that much, which is a shame since my birthday ukulele is a thing of great beauty. :)

Rob's been poorly with some sort of cold, or man flu, pretty sure it's not swine flu! There's a limit to how much sympathy I feel able to give. I was very sympathetic to start with, when he seemed really rather ill. But it's worn off a bit. That's awful, I know. I start feeling annoyed that my daily routine is shattered. I treasure my half an hour alone before he gets home. I make some coffee, watch Neighbours, and lately I've been doing my stupid Facebook farming. I really like being alone. I go out of my way to avoid people sometimes. That can't be a good thing. Ho hum.

I think the main problem with the whole 'not playing the bass guitar' issue is that the one event I would get to play at (church music practices) I'm terrified of attending. I psyched myself up last time and couldn't go because there was another meeting I didn't know about. I really am terrified. My heart's speeding up just thinking about it. Pretty much every time I've gone I've ended up wanting to cry. I end up feeling a) useless at playing the guitar and b) like I don't have any friends. I'm not very good at friends, really. At church there's always people making small talk, but at stuff like the practices everyone has friend groups that they congregate in. I just feel old and useless. My inability to talk to people face to face is (let's face it) the reason I used to spend so much time online. Much easier talking to people if they're at the other end of a computer.

Aargh, well, I shall stop rambling. And in posting this, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. Sometimes I just feel like I need to post stuff because it's inside me and I don't know what to do with it. I find it hard to explain out loud when I have things bothering me. Much easier to think it through and type it out. So there we go. :)