Ali has ranted about The Two Towers. She reckons that Peter Jackson might have translated the book into Esperanto and then back into English. Having a bit of time to spare, I decided to investigate this with the aid of the Babel Fish. (Sadly they don't translate into Esperanto. Aaaah.)

I tried all the languages there, and I like Chinese the most. So here is my new translation of The Two Towers. Well, just the synopsis at the beginning of the third book. :)

Yes, it's the story of the rice natriums and tree waiters! A tale unlike anything you've heard before! (Okay, most of it just doesn't make sense, but hey.)

Two towers relate in detail all companies behavior after break the ring Fellowship. The book three tells Boromir is sorrowful and the behavior, and his funeral does in the boat to the Rauros autumn; Meriadoc and the Peregrin capture by the orc soldier, causes them impatiently toward Isengard eastern part Rohan the plain; And their pursue by Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli.

Rohan rider then appearance. The imperial Ma Zhe troop, leads the bailiff by Eomer, surrounds orcs in the Fangorn forest border, with destroys them; But hobbits escaped into the wood and there meets Treebeard Fangorn Ent, secret master. In his company they witnesses mixes the wrath tree waiter and they marches in Isengard.

Simultaneously Aragorn and his companion met Eomer returns from this battle. He provide them by the horse, and they ride to this forest. There when seeks is being proud hobbits, they met Gandalf again, from the death, now the white rider returns, still covered up by the veil in the gray. Rode with his them finished Rohan to the Theoden king hall mark, Gandalf heals this old king and rescues him from spells Wormtongue, his evil consultant, Saruman secret ally. They ride then with this king and his master oppose the Isengard force, with despairs the victory participation in Hornburg. Gandalf then leads their Isengard, and they discovered this great fortress laid in the ruins by the tree waiter, besieged with Saruman and Wormtongue in the Orthanc indomitable tower.

In refuses in before this gate Saruman to think the regret, eliminated him with the Gandalf discussion and breaks his staff member, left behind him gives Ents the vigilance. Throws the stone from one high window Wormtongue in Gandalf; But it think of he, with pick up by Peregrin. This is one three survives palantiri by the proof, Numenor sees the stone. Later will submit in evening Peregrin to the stone lure; He steal it and look in it, with so revealed to Sauron. This book finished with approaches one Nazgul in Rohan, Ringwraith mounts in the flight horse, imminent war symbol plain. Gandalf provides palantir to Aragorn, and adopts Peregrin rides rice natrium Si Tirith.

The book four rotations to Frodo and Samwise, now lose in Emyn the Muil bleak hill. How do it tell them escape from the hill, and overtakes by Smeagol-Gollum; And how does Frodo and nearly overcome by tame Gollum his malice, therefore Gollum leads them and ruins the land by way of the dead bog to Morannon, Mordor land black gate in north.

There it were are unable to enter and Frodo accept Gollum's advises: Seeks one secret entrance which he knows, goes south in the shadow mountain, west Mordor the wall. When they voyage there they adopt by the Gondor person's reconnaissance force by Brother Boromir Faramir lead. Faramir discovered their search nature, but resisted the enticement which Boromir submitted, and will send sends them from now on in theirs journey final stage to Cirith Ungol, spider's pass; Although he warned their it were the dangerous place, Gollum tell them compare him know. Since they arrive the intersection and adopt the path to rice natrium Si the Morgul ghastly and fearful city, the great dark issue from Mordor, covers all lands. Then Sauron delivers his first army, by this kind black leads Ringwraiths: Ring war start.

Gollum guides hobbits to to avoid rice natrium Si Morgul one secret method, and they comes finally Cirith Ungol in the darkness. Gollum there falls returns the evil, with attempts to betray them to this pass, the Shelob strange guardian. He by Samwise, beat his attack, and suffers damage the Shelob heroism frustrates.

Second part of conclusion and Samwise choice. Frodo, stings by Shelob, lies dies, because it seem: The search must end in the disaster, or Samwise must abandon him the master. He fully adopt the search which the ring and attempts to continue to despair. But he about will cross into the Mordor land, orcs come out from rice natrium Si Morgul and get down from guard this pass the crown Cirith Ungol tower. Hides by ring Samwise learns from quarrels orcs, Frodo is not dies but is the clothing anesthetic. His queen mother pursues them; But orcs delivers the Frodo body causes rear area their tower under the tunnel the gate. Samwise faints before it when it close and sonorously make a sound.

Interestingly, the Faramir thing and the Wormtongue thing are still pretty clearly not how Peter Jackson wrote them! Aaah.

Some of the other languages produced some quite poetic sentences. For example:

"They have come to contact of Gandalf, still sent back from the dead women, hour laughing white man." - Italian

But all in all this has been a pointless and not particularly entertaining exercise.

Oh well.